Posts Tagged ‘Raspberry Satin Mocha’

The Face

Tuesday mornings bring me to a seat in Mugby Junction on Huff St. for a cup of Raspberry Satin Mocha. I have just dropped my oldest two boys off at school and need a moment to sit, think, write and align myself with my Big Father just before I go and meet with my mentor for an hour, play some volley ball and have a three hour staff meeting, which pretty much takes care of the rest of Tuesday.

Today it Tuesday. And I am where you would usually find me on Tuesday mornings. Today my Pandora Station is on “Irish,” with many songs from River Dance and other very inspirational pieces by Lisa Kelly, Hayley Westenra and Blackmore’s Night.

I am distracted though. Sitting across the room is an unshaven, slightly messy 50 year old man on a computer who is actively chatting with several Asian ladies on Instant Messenger. I can see their profile pictures; young, hip and pretty, some are on web cams. I can see his profile picture; young, hip and handsome, dark hair and cool clothes. He is chatting as person he is not.

It’s sad. Heart breaking.  

He is searching. Searching for a relationship that he can’t have when he’s himself. Maybe he thinks he’s old and unattractive, undesirable, a person these ladies would never want to be around if they saw his real face.  As long as he puts on The Face of a young hip guy he can relish in a relationship that feels good for a moment.

He nervously glances over his shoulder.

I have put The Face on many times throughout my 38 years. I am sure I learned how to do this when I was a kid discovering why and when people “liked” me. I would change my Face depending on the crowd that I was in, depending on the ethos I wanted to portray, depending on the people I wanted to attract. Why? My Main Relationship was messed up.

He switches from screen to screen, trying to hide the conversations and cams with his body.

What makes us so desperate that we will change who we are just to gain relationships with others? What makes us feel so undesirable that we seek to become someone else?  What makes us forget or maybe never truly discover who we really are? What makes us put The Face on?

I am sure there are many factors that enter the discussion, but as with any equation there is a base, a truth that explains the results or behaviors. There are deeper topics maybe even deeper magic that cause us to seek out a different Face than ours as we try to impress others to gain their affection and ultimately a relationship.

The deeper causes began thousands of years ago and can be read in the Jewish Torah, the Islamic Qua-ran, and the Christian Bible.  The breaking of The Relationship. The Curse that resulted from the fall was primarily about a broken relationship with God, a relationship that we continually pursue, but mistakenly seek after humans to fulfill that longing.  The problem; humans will always let us down. There will always be a time that the humans we have relationships with fail us. But we continually seek a perfect relationship, so we play with different Faces.

The truth, we will never find satisfaction in a relationship until we seek after God who is drawing us to himself. Then we can take The Face off and confidently be who we are, no more hiding, no more feelings of inadequacy.

We can be real, we can be whom God has created us to be, not a poser on the other end of the Internet chat room pretending to be The Face we are showing.

He closes the computer, gathers his things and with a glance over his shoulder exits the coffee shop.